Finding your rainbow in 2024
Growing up in the 80s and 90s, the role models for men were limited, especially if you didn’t conform to the norm. On one side, we had the "real men" like Magnum and MacGyver, always saving the day, never showing weakness, and certainly never crying. On the other, there were the outcasts—perverts, pedophiles, and abusers—none of whom felt like protagonists in my story. This dichotomy left me feeling out of place, constantly searching for my spot in the sun.
With a history of depression and suicidal thoughts, I’ve channeled my experiences into helping other men navigate the murky waters of life. I don’t claim to have all the answers, as recent events have shown, but I understand and genuinely care about what you’re going through. My aim isn’t to be a role model but to be a pillar of support when you need it most.
Recently, I was a victim of road rage. I thought I wasn’t going to make it out alive. Even though I survived, the experience dragged me into a dark place I thought I had left behind. In that moment, keeping calm was the best I could do to stay alive. Yet, according to the Magnum generation, I wasn’t "man enough" because I didn’t fight back.
The physical bruises are still healing, but the thoughts that followed are far worse. My mind told me it would be better to disappear than to be a "half-man" by society’s standards, especially as a gay-white-man in a country where acceptance feels elusive.
But here’s the thing: there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Friends kept reaching out, and even though I did not feel like talking, it broke down my walls. That small gesture can be a flicker of hope for someone. Studies have show that 8 minutes of really being there for someone can save a life, and I’ve experienced this firsthand.
I’ll explore this more in my next post, but for now, know that if you need a shoulder or an ear, please don’t hesitate to reach out. And if you feel the urge to check in on a friend, don’t ignore that feeling. You might just be stopping them from doing something irreversible.
