February 2025
Light dispels darkness. It is a simple yet profound truth. Recently, I attended a light-giving ceremony, a powerful experience rooted in the idea that by offering our light, we push back against the darkness around us. The accompanying message was a call to action: If not me, then who?
This question lingered in my mind long after the ceremony ended. It resonated even more deeply during a conversation with a member of Fenix. We spoke about the space I am creating—a space where men can come as they are, free of judgment, free to heal. He asked why I put so much pressure on myself to build this. My answer was immediate and instinctive: If not me, then who?
His response was valid: "But it is too much for one person." And he was right. At one point, it was just me. But now? Now there are ten of us holding space, and that number is steadily growing. What started as my personal mission has become a movement, a shared responsibility. The light is spreading.
The Weight and Gift of Responsibility
Men's mental health is in crisis. Too many are struggling in silence, believing they must bear their burdens alone. Too many are lost in the darkness, convinced no one will understand or accept them. The truth is, healing happens in community. No one heals alone. The problem is, someone has to take the first step—someone has to be the one to light the torch.
The LGBTQ+ community, in particular, has long been deprived of safe spaces where true healing can occur. At Fenix, we are actively working to change that, creating an environment where everyone, regardless of their identity, can find support, acceptance, and the freedom to be themselves.
For a long time, I believed that someone was me. But what I have come to realise is that my role is not to carry the weight alone; it is to spark a fire in others. If not me, then who? is not just my question—it is an invitation. It is a call for others to step forward, to create spaces where vulnerability is welcomed, where men can speak their truth, where healing can begin.
From One to Many
What I do is not about me. It never has been. It is about the collective. The growing numbers in Fenix are proof that when we take the risk to be the light, others will follow. One person’s courage to create a safe space for healing can ignite a movement.
I no longer hold the space alone. There are others now—ten, and counting—who understand the importance of what we are doing. Ten men who are willing to hold the torch, to stand in the gap, to be light-bringers in a world that so often tells them to remain in the dark.
And with each man who steps forward, the burden is shared. The light grows brighter. The movement expands. The message spreads: If not me, then who?
A Call to Action
This is not just my journey; it is ours. It belongs to every man who has ever felt alone, every man who has ever believed he must fight his battles in silence. It belongs to every person who has the courage to step up and say, "I will hold space. I will offer light. I will be part of the healing."
Because the truth is, no single person can do it all. But together? Together, we can change everything.
So I ask you: If not you, then who?
